last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
