i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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