Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
