some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
