Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
