new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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