I should be sponsored by Trojan
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
