So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
