my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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