did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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