How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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