garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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