Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
