Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Congratulations! We have a period
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
