sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
