so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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