You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
