i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
