who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
