i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
