Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
