Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
