Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
