proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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