How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
