Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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