i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Panties = found
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
