She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
