I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
