Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
