apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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