just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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