sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
