can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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