can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
