The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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