we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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