I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
