How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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