I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
not ubering you a puppy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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