If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
