i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
