I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
