i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
