My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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