Old men and throwing up are my life now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
