have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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