gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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