So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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