Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
