You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
