the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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