one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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