So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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