when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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