I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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