If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
