I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
