Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
