I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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