No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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