sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
