What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
