im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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