fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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