Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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