Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Randomize
