Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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