We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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