I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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