she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
