What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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