So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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